AN OCEAN OF BLOOD

News

  • [NEW] [NEW] Lately, I have been under psychic attack by my coworkers. Am I talking about energy vampires? Better follow the link and find out...
  • [NEW] Blood facts you can use to quiz your friends!
  • I'm finally revealing the reason I made this website!!!
  • The "D" in "Vampire Hunter D" is pronounced "duh", like the sound the letter makes. If you call him "Dee" he gets mad.

This page is POORLY ORGANIZED!!!

I am, as we speak, hunting down the hottest and blood-thirstiest pictures of vampires doing the bloody two-fanged tango. Possible sources I am investigating:

  • books (including on tape)
  • local bulletin boards
  • Alex Skarsgard with the top of his head shaved. Just the top. Sides are still there.
  • Alice, from the flim Twilight, lifts her leg very high as she throws a baseball.
  • The mind of horny middle-aged women.
  • the Dark Web
  • the ocean (normal, not blood)
  • another ocean (blood)
  • cable television

Psychic Attack

I am not talking about energy vampires or psychic vampires or whatever they're called. They are stupid and not real. Could a psychic vampire do this?

Saya from Blood: The Last Vampire stands with her katana pointing straight forward. She has just delivered the killing blow to a chiropteran.
Blood: The Last Vampire (2000). Now that's what I like to see. Crazy monster vampires getting killed by cool emo vampires. No one in this film is psychic!

Sometimes, as I'm going through a door, one of my co-workers will appear behind me. They will have calculated the distance perfectly so that I'm paralyzed between holding the door for them (long wait, awkward, try hard) or moving on and letting it close (oblivious, rude, stupid). They do this multiple times per day. They are trying to punish me for going to the bathroom too often even though it's the only place I feel calm. 

Blood blood blood
Nice and RED
redder than my face
when i talk to a cutie
hope i don't start talking about
blood and vampires!
a poem by me thanks. just had to get something up for all the poetry fiends.

Blood Facts

Vampires eat blood. Contrary to popular opinion, they DO NOT drink it. First, a vampire takes a little bit of it into her mouth. Then, a special enzyme causes the blood to coagulate in 2 seconds. She then swallows the little blobs whole. They are kind of like gushers. Except that biting into one is considered impolite.

Drinking blood gives vampires a tummy ache. This is bad because it hurts, and also there's nothing a vampire can do about it. They can't drink pepto bismol. All they can do is make a face and pout a little until someone asks them what's wrong and they say "nothing" but their friend is like "c'mon, what is it" and they're like

"my tummy"

"again? you drank it didn't you?"

"yeah :'("

"ok, c'mere"

":3"

Two gloved hands holding a sealed vial of blood.
u like what u see?

Blood is has many names in the vampire community:

  • Juicy B
  • The Red Wetting
  • Crimson Christmas
  • Bleedialyte
  • Gravy Brain
  • MMMbop
  • Fang Tang
  • Orange
  • Garfield by Jim Davis
  • Icky Licky Red and Sticky
  • Irony
  • The Virgin Urgin'
  • Jamba Juicy B
  • Windex 2
  • Jesus Juice
  • Young Adult Fiction

end blood facts.

Warning!

Christopher Lee in Dracula (1958). He has an anguished look on his face. He's about to fall into the sunlight and die.
Dracula (1958). i found this image online, but i can't find the frame in the movie.

People find a website called "AN OCEAN OF BLOOD" and think, "That's a bit scary." But, if you were a vampire, it would probably sound really cool and relaxing. You'd be thinking, "No more chasing people around. I can just sip at my lesiure. Maybe, I'll float around a bit." Please remember this the next time you're about to hurt my feelings.

Honorable Mentions

Still need pictures for most of these. SORRY.

  • Blade (Wesley Snipes)
  • Blade (not Wesley Snipes)
  • Vampire Hunter D
  • You're probably thinking it's all dhampir, but you're wrong.
  • All the guys in Highlander (1986). It was clearly a vampire movie. They do the energy thing instead of the blood thing, which I kind of grudgingly respect.
  • Most of the vampires in Vampire the Masqurade. The lore is fun. But frankly, they do too much brooding and not enough You Know What. "Oh, but you see, their desire to feed completely eclipses any other urge—" Stop. It doesn't.
  • Alucard from Hellsing. Something always just felt off about that guy. I think he's pretending to be a vampire.

Best Vampire Media

I am deadly freaking serious. No particular order.

  • Twilight
  • Martin (1977)
  • True Blood – I am watching this right now. It's the whole reason I'm making this site. Gonna produce a dedicated page at some point.
  • Vampire Hunter D and Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust
    Vampire Hunter D embracing a woman. His sword is drawn.
    "Oh, D..."
    The flims and novels are good. Be warned, the novels have some detailed descriptions of sexual assault.
  • Tempted to put Thirst on here but I haven't seen it in a while.
  • I don't like vampire movies where they're just crazy out of control fiends.